Chocolate banana loaf

It’s my wedding anniversary this week and I have struggled with whether to address it, whether to write anything at all about what’s going on in my personal life. It feels a little too, well, personal. For one, I am scared of the commentary. I know divorce is very disappointing to people. It dashes their hopes, it increases their fears and it shines a light on any relationship problems of their own.

What can I say? What can I tell you? This week we would have celebrated 9 years of marriage, and though we are still officially married, we will not be celebrating. We no longer live in the same house. We are officially ‘separated’ and in the process of getting divorced. The reasons are not something I wish to share.

What I will say is that no-one (well, no-one I know of) gets married thinking it will ever end in divorce. A marriage is entered into in good faith. It is in itself a leap of faith. A promise to stay together until death parts you. It’s the ultimate optimistic act, though it didn’t feel like that on the day. I married in good faith. I meant everything I said. And yet, and yet… it ended.

I want to confess something now. I have always looked on at couples who divorce when their kids are young as guilty of not trying hard enough. That’s a terrible admission. But it’s how I felt. I always thought if only they tried harder and loved more and forgave more then the marriage would last. But it turns out I was wrong. I am ashamed of thinking those thoughts now. Divorce is absolutely the last resort. It’s not a knee jerk reaction.

Strangely (it might seem), I still believe in marriage. I still believe in love lasting forever, despite it not working out for me. I don’t regret marrying for a second. I am lucky. I have three beautiful sons and I am fit and healthy. I have a soon to be ex husband who I can still talk to and spend time with quite easily. We all have dinner together once a week as a family. Sure, it’s not easy at times. I know there will be hard times ahead, but really, nobody died. There are people much worse off.

And after that little moment of blog therapy I give you my chocolate banana loaf. I made this with two of the boys over the Easter hols and they took it to their Dad’s with them when they stayed for the weekend. It was gobbled up. And so I made another and already half has gone. It’s easy and forgiving and please do feel free to add whatever extra you fancy. Pecans, hazelnuts, fudge pieces, Smarties, you know the drill.

Lots of great recipes like this in my books, Recipes from a Normal Mum, (available on Amazon, at The Works, Waterstones, WHSmith, The Book Depository and many smaller outlets) and The Power of Frozen (available through Amazon).

Last year: Oaty bread and Mixed berry parfait and Lamb koftas and beetroot hummus and

Two years ago: Homemade Oreos and Ombre cake and Lemon and coconut cake and Jaffa cakes and All my weaning recipes in one place

Three years ago: Carrot & almond layer cake and Pecan & hazelnut granola and Banana & toffee muffins and Lemon drizzle loaf

Four years ago: Lemon animal biscuits and Oatmeal & fudge cookies and 5 ways with the humble Victoria sponge

Five years ago: Octonauts cupcakes and Walnut, fudge and fleur de sel biscuits

Six years ago: Mutter paneer and Hot cross biscotti

Chocolate banana loaf

Ingredients:

• 200g plain flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 65g Stork or soft, salted butter
• 115g caster sugar
• 3 ripe bananas
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs, at room temperature
• 200g milk chocolate, broken into 1 – 2cm pieces (we used leftover Easter eggs)

Grease and line a 2lb standard loaf tin and preheat the oven to 180C/fan 160C/gas mark 4.

Beat together all the ingredients apart from the chocolate for 3 – 4 minutes using a wooden spoon or a mixer, until well combined. Stir through the chocolate and tip into the loaf tin. Level with a knife and bake for 50 minutes – 1 hour until a wooden tooth pick comes out of the centre of the cake clean. Cool on a wire rack, in the tin. Very good alone or served with ice cream.

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